Be gentle with yourself.  If you will not be your own unconditional friend, who will be?  If you are playing an opponent and you are also opposing yourself - you are going to be outnumbered.

- Dan Millman

I love this quote about being gentle with ourselves - being our own unconditional friend. 

Most of us are not aware of our inner relationship. Often our self-talk is negative, hurtful and unsupportive.  We would never talk to a close friend this way, yet it flows with ease when we direct it at us. Why is that?  If our environment is also negative and unsupportive, what happens to us at a deep level with all this negativity? I believe we hold this negativity within us and it festers away causing even more internal damage including health problems.

You may wonder Why this so important, especially if you believe you are only hurting yourself…and/or sadly you think you don’t deserve anything better. When we hurt ourselves, not only do we dwell in the purgatory of self defeat, we also rob others of the very best of us. Those who depend on us, work with us or live with us get short changed.  How much patience, understanding, love and companionship do we really have to offer when we are not blessing ourselves by being gentle, loving and supportive inwardly?

Maybe this makes sense to you.  You know you need to improve your inner relationship and you are wondering how to do do it - where to start…

Begin by creating a vision of how you want to “be” with yourself, and spend time answering these questions.

What would it look like, how would you talk to yourself, especially when you didn’t meet your own expectations? How would you support yourself? 

What would your life like if you were gentle with yourself, and your own unconditional friend? 

How would you feel, think and be with yourself?

Spending time on creating a strong inner foundation will help you in all areas of your life.  Won’t you begin this vital work now? 

Many blessings, hope and love to you,
Patricia

Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2008 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved

View original post here:
Be Gentle With Yourself

Hi all,
I just completed a session with my coach, and by the way, if you are shopping for a coach, it’s important to ask potential coaches if they are recipients of coaching.  This is because you want to know if your coach is also growing, learning and moving forward in their own lives.  Being in a coaching relationship is a commitment to their personal growth, and when they are at their best, you receive the best services.  I cannot say enough about how coaching has/is helping me stay true to my goals.  It is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  Maybe I’ll write about it in another post…

I want to share the steps I go through when I face adversity.  I hope they will be an encouragement to you.  (Note: I have way too much content for a blog post, so check my website for an upcoming Ecourse on this topic, and for future workshops/telecourses.  This post is a condensed version.  If you want more now, please contact me for coaching. or send an email to find out more.)

We all go through hard times.  It’s the human condition.  There is no escape.  So, stop feeling like a failure for having struggles in the first place.  What is more critical is how we manage ourselves during these times.  I look at them as opportunities to learn, grow and redefine some aspect of me, and what I want in my life.  Maybe I’m not living the way I want to, maybe I’m not honoring myself in the areas of exercise, balance, self-talk, time alone and it’s at the boiling point.   Maybe I am tired of being in a job that doesn’t fit who I am, and it has reached crisis level.  Struggles represent anything that is no longer working for us.

Think about it, it’s these hard times that move us out of discomfort into a more meaningful existence, and isn’t that what we all want?  We want our lives to matter, to contribute, to help others and to live life passionately following our purpose, right? 

Life is so much easier when we are not in boiling water, isn’t it?  We may continue on in our meager existence, maybe cooking small, or taking ourselves out of the kitchen altogether, afraid to even try creating our own feast. So how do we take full advantage of “being in the boiling water” and nourish ourselves in the process?

When I am in major boiling water, I am in and out of the carrot and egg pots several times until I finally land in the coffee pot.  The entire pot jumping time depends on the type and depth of my struggle. My steps include the following:

1) Recognize – and appreciate that I am in boiling water
2) Retreat – and go within with lots of soul searching questions
3) Resolve - to stay with it to the end, avoiding the tendency to escape from it, and
4) Recreate – new ways of being, thinking, feeling and/or acting as a result of my learning.

It is so important to nurture, love and support yourself in this most important process and opportunity.  Maybe this includes taking walks, warm baths, writing, painting, meditating or all of these self care activities.  If you are deeply frustrated, angry or depressed, resist any urges to strike out at others, and/or yourself.  Instead, support yourself through it as you would care for those you love.
 
Love, and Abundant Blessings to You,
Patricia
Your comments & feedback are always welcome and encouraged. For an appointment call 206-459-2898 or e-mail me at: patricia@integritylifecoach.com Home page http://www.integritylifecoach.com Copyright© 2007 Patricia Eslava Vessey…All Rights Reserved
 

See original here:
More Adversity?Carrots, Eggs and Coffee

Hi Everyone, and Happy summer!  I hope it’s warm and sunny where you are located. 

I receive lots of inspiring email stories so worthy of sharing with you.  This one is a great example…
———————————————————————————————————-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
 
A  young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to a boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
 
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.  She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.  Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’
 
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
 
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.  Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean , mother?’
 
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity:  boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.  The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.  The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
 
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. 
 
‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 
Think of this:  Which am I? 

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.  The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
 
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
———————————————————————————————————-
Most of us want to be coffee when it comes to adversity, right?  While these examples help us zero in on our individual responses to difficult situations, where to we get instructions on how to elevate ourselves to that higher “coffee” level?  The happiest people make the best of everything, but how do they do it?

Once the tornado begins, and we are in carrot or egg response, how can we step out of that powerful swirling windstorm and react differently, especially if that is our ingrained, lifelong response?

No matter how unrealistic or silly, list 3 things you can do to stop… in the midst of an unwanted response, and rise up to a new level. 

What would it look like in your life if you were successful at changing this response?  How would it affect your relationships, self esteem and success?

Many blessings,
Patricia

Excerpted from:
Adversity??? Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

Hi Everyone, and Happy summer!  I hope it’s warm and sunny where you are located. 

I receive lots of inspiring email stories so worthy of sharing with you.  This one is a great example…
———————————————————————————————————-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
 
A  young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to a boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
 
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.  She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.  Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’
 
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
 
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.  Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean , mother?’
 
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity:  boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.  The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.  The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
 
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. 
 
‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 
Think of this:  Which am I? 

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.  The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
 
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
———————————————————————————————————-
Most of us want to be coffee when it comes to adversity, right?  While these examples help us zero in on our individual responses to difficult situations, where to we get instructions on how to elevate ourselves to that higher “coffee” level?  The happiest people make the best of everything, but how do they do it?

Once the tornado begins, and we are in carrot or egg response, how can we step out of that powerful swirling windstorm and react differently, especially if that is our ingrained, lifelong response?

No matter how unrealistic or silly, list 3 things you can do to stop… in the midst of an unwanted response, and rise up to a new level. 

What would it look like in your life if you were successful at changing this response?  How would it affect your relationships, self esteem and success?

Many blessings,
Patricia

Original post:
Adversity??? Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

Hi Everyone, and Happy summer!  I hope it’s warm and sunny where you are located. 

I receive lots of inspiring email stories so worthy of sharing with you.  This one is a great example…
———————————————————————————————————-
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
 
A  young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
Her mother took her to the kitchen.  She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to a boil.  In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.  She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
 
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.  She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.  Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’
 
‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.
 
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.  Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.  The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.  The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean , mother?’
 
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity:  boiling water.  Each reacted differently.  The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.  The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.  The ground coffee beans were unique, however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
 
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. 
 
‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 
Think of this:  Which am I? 

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?  Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?  Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.  If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.  When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?  How do you handle adversity?  Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
 

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.  The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
 
May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!
———————————————————————————————————-
Most of us want to be coffee when it comes to adversity, right?  While these examples help us zero in on our individual responses to difficult situations, where to we get instructions on how to elevate ourselves to that higher “coffee” level?  The happiest people make the best of everything, but how do they do it?

Once the tornado begins, and we are in carrot or egg response, how can we step out of that powerful swirling windstorm and react differently, especially if that is our ingrained, lifelong response?

No matter how unrealistic or silly, list 3 things you can do to stop… in the midst of an unwanted response, and rise up to a new level. 

What would it look like in your life if you were successful at changing this response?  How would it affect your relationships, self esteem and success?

Many blessings,
Patricia

Credit:
Adversity??? Carrots, Eggs & Coffee